Burning hunk of love: The Galaxy Note 8 rumor


We’re entering peak rumor season for the fall smartphones so it’s a great time to use them as a Rorschach test and see what forbidden secrets of your soul they reveal!

Writing for The Boy Genius Report, Zach Epstein describes the new hotness (WARNING: MAY ACTUALLY BURN YOU).

“Galaxy Note 8 leak: Key benchmark beats iPhone 7 Plus.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Matthew.)

Is the benchmark “thermal units generated”? Ha-ha! The Macalope jokes because the Galaxy Note 7 was a dangerous laughing stock of a phone, you see.

If Samsung’s upcoming Galaxy Note 8 doesn’t start exploding in users’ hands like last year’s Note model…

Then Apple is doomed all over again! Well, presuming they simply continue selling last year’s iPhone. Which seems likely, right? Probably. That’s probably what they’ll do.

Epstein, of course, knows that new iPhones are coming in the fall. After all, he’s only “reported” on the HORRIBLE PROBLEM WITH THE IPHONE 8’S BEZEL THAT MUST BE FIXED IMMEDIATELY EVEN THOUGH NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT IT’S GOING TO LOOK LIKE (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody) about 18 bajillion times.

…it’s looking increasingly likely that it will be one of the most impressive flagship phones the world has ever seen.

The two top phone makers are Apple and Samsung so, uh, yeah, it stands to reason that they’d both produce the most impressive flagship phones in the world.

The phone is expected to improve upon the bold new design first shown off on the Galaxy S8 and Galaxy S8+…


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